Friday, January 04, 2013

What Do You Get with a Family of Four STJ's?

The counselor we used asked that my older son take the Jungian Type (Meyers-Briggs test), a free online version. He is ESTJ.

While decluttering papers I found a detailed paid analysis my former employer did with me just before I married. I was in my mid-20s and I was an ESTJ.

The counselor raised his eyebrows when I first told him I tested at ESTJ as well as my oldest son, because he said conflict is a guarantee with two ESTJs.

He then told me that we can change over time so he advised that I take the free test also. The result for me was E (33) N (38) F (12) J (44). I should say that over time as I matured and was changed by mothering I have tried to tone down the negative parts of my personality, if you read about ESTJ you can see what those are for yourself. The more I worked in volunteer positions, the more I realized that more flexibility and diplomacy was required for harmonious relations. I also realized that I had formerly been wrong to think there is only one right way to arrive at a same goal, this helped me loosen up on my desire to do things my way, and I opened my mind to try someone else's way. I have focused on getting the job done which sometimes meant not just pushing my own way onto others. Mothering and homeschooling has made me a more compassionate person overall (although the last year has been stressful and at times, maddening).

This got me curious about the others in our family...

So, we tested everyone.

My husband tested as ISTJ. I always knew he was an introvert but didn't realize he was NTJ as I was when we were dating and then married. We get along excellently, he is much more willing to back off when I'm being stubborn about something, yet in other areas I yield to his firm stand.

My younger son is also ESTJ. His percentages are also high in most areas which puts him in more of an extreme position than his older brother. Still this verified what I already knew: I have two strong-willed kids who are both smart as whips and extroverted with good critical thinking skills and good verbal communication skills. No wonder there is conflict between them, especially since they are both together so much due to homeschooling. And no wonder there is conflict when the three of us are each trying to have things done our own way.

The idea of me, the former ESTJ living with two other ESTJs and an ISTJ husband is a bit scary. Welcome to my world. That explains why sometimes it feels intense to be a member of this family. I can't wait to tell the counselor this news. He'll probably break out in a sweat just thinking about the family dynamics. It's all I've ever known though...I don't know what it feels like to be in other families!


To Learn More

Back when I first learned about Jungian Typeology there was no Internet. Today you can learn a lot using a search engine. There are articles, chat boards, and many YouTube videos talking about single types as well as relations between two types.


Ahermitt said...

We've taken these tests in church leadership sessions. I've always promptly forgotten the rests. All that sticks out for me is that people think both my husband and I are extroverts, but on paper we are introverts.

Xa Lynn said...

My husband and I have both taken the MB test - and both test out as INTJs... after the kids go to bed each night, we plot to take over the world.

If I were to take a guess, my youngest would test out as INTP, and the oldest as ESFP...

Let's just say that the youngest child learned very early that she could get whatever she wanted from the oldest, and mommy and daddy weren't terribly sympathetic about it, since both of us found the youngest daughter's manipulations to be utterly transparent and occasionally hysterically amusing. Your blog was very timely for me, because I needed to be reminded to be more understanding of my oldest daughter's mental makeup.