How am I supposed to homeschool if my teenage son no longer wants to deal with mom?
According to psychologists teen boys want to separate from their mothers and seek independence. When the kid is a homeschooler I am unsure how this is to happen.
It is getting to a point where my son is just not learning all that he needs to learn due to his resistance to work with me. He is angry about not having certain skills or content in certain areas but he won't learn them from me.
Is this one of the circumstances that leads to formerly happy homeschoolers putting their boys into high school? If it is, they don't share about it too much.
I thought the online math class in grade 9 would be the first step toward answering to an outside authority but it was a bomb. The class was a terrible fit and an alternative math teaching method that did not jive with him. He quit the class and we went to Plan B for Algebra I.
This fall I thought answering to three teachers via online classes and the in-person science class plus doing math with Thinkwell, a website based program would be enough. The online classes are a bust. He is finding a way to cut corners with Thinkwell that are not acceptable. The in person class is difficult and he hates the teacher probably for no reason other than he finds the material challenging. He does not want to ask her for help.
I thought community college classes would be a good idea but my son is resisting taking the required placement test required for admissions. So fall courses were not possible. If he does not change his mind soon then spring 2013 classes will not be an option either.
I feel helpless when I know skills, and when I can teach them, and when my son has a real need to use them - now, and he refuses to let me teach him. If I am not to teach him, then who will? He needs help with study skills for his science live class and for studying for his Thinkwell math to prepare and refresh his memory for the chapter tests. He also still needs to do history, English, and some electives to fulfill basic high school graduation requirements for homeschooled students in our state of residence. My son says he wants to continue to homeschool but he won't let me teach him! He won't teach himself when provided the information that he could ingest and use on his own.
Last week he refused when I offered to hire a chemistry tutor then later that day he agreed when my husband offered it. (Note he accepts things with father that he will not accept with mother.) This week he refused to be proactive to schedule an appointment with the tutor. He left his homework idle for six days and then began the day before it was due only to find he cannot understand it. Now he can't reach the tutor to schedule an appointment before the assignment is due.
My next idea is to hire a tutor to teach study skills. This tutor perhaps could also be the person he reports to to check in with his assignments, to see that he did his work that was assigned.
I am confused and interested in the discussion of typical teenage boy development regarding the role of separating from mom and how that could happen with a homeschooled male. Right now I'm thinking the best outcomes for homeschool academic success in the high school years would be with teen boys who are able to take on either independent learning under their own motivation or those who take on more and more outside classes either online or in community college as a dual credit high school student.
My son and I have had a very close bond over the years and I have allowed him certain freedoms and independence. I have not been a helicopter mom or one who has controlled his every waking moment. I am surprised at the amount of stubbornness that I am experiencing as I thought that only happened after years of dealing with an overbearing mother as a desire to break free of too-tight apron strings. I have worked with my son like a member on the same team, only now he no longer wants to cooperate, even when doing things that get him closer to meet the goal that he has set for HIMSELF.
I hoped my son would have success at doing what he wanted to do rather than fail and have to live with Plan B as there were no other options open to him. At the rate my son is going he is going to wind up doing what I did with my life, when the fact of the matter was that my path in my young adult years was NOT what I wanted to do but what was forced on me by my father. Since before my children were conceived I swore I would do all that I could do in order to help my future children do what THEY wanted to do with their lives. I did not want to stand in the way of their path nor did I want to be responsible for making decisions that would negatively impact their ability to do what THEY wanted to do. I thought homeschooling was superior to public school so we chose to homeschool.
I could not do my Plan A and I had a very different life with my Plan B. My son has a Plan A that he has defined for himself but he is refusing to do the steps to make that happen. I am befuddled to put it plainly. I am sitting here trying to be both a guide and a cheerleader showing him the path and saying he can do it if he chooses to do the work and he is choosing not to do the work. I feel like I am watching a slow motion depiction of a train about to derail while being unable to stop it from happening.
I can't understand the mindset; as a teen I would have loved it if my parents were supportive of my educational goals and if they were my cheerleaders, instead I was all on my own and trying to navigate the waters by myself. The school staff didn't do much to help steer me in the direction that I needed to go and I found out that some doors were closed to me due to not having the correct pre-requisistes and/or good enough grades. If I had only known what the right thing to do was I would have done it. A couple of times I was steered toward easier courses when I should not have, if I had more involved parents they would have advocated on my behalf.
Someone just asked me what would happen if we just let him fail? My response was he failed in some goals last year and it seems to have no impact on what he is doing this year. How many years do we watch the failures in progress and just let it unfold like that?
How much is a homeschooling mother supposed to let go?
As the homeschooling mother I need to decide what our minimum standards are and if he won't meet those then he will have to enroll in public school. I am not opposed to that at this point but my concern is if he won't do the work for the science teacher right now (an outside teacher) then why would he do the work for the school teachers? What is he doing now that shows that he would suddenly have success if he enrolled in school? He doesn't want to go there so why would he succeed?
At what point should I just throw my hands up in the air and declare that I have given up?