Wednesday, November 09, 2011

I'm Still Me

I paid for the kids to take a high ropes adventure class with a homeschool group the other day. It was a drop-off event. Well, parents could watch but I feel that challenge courses should not have Mom as cheerleader. I say let the kids grow and leave them be with the stranger instructors to face their fears and gain some confidence. I am with my kids a ton already and I don't need to be their personal sidelines coach for every single thing.

I was tempted to go shopping (with no need to buy anything) but decided that I shouldn't be spending money so instead I Google'd the local library on my iPhone and plugged it into my navigation and headed over.

I walked in like I owned the place although I had no clue where I was going. People looked at me but I confidently went forth down the halls and through the stacks looking for signs to indicate adult nonfiction. Since I have the Dewey Decimal numbers of my favorite nonfiction book genres memorized I just scanned the stacks and found books to read. I selected two knitting books, one of interesting patterns and one about the artists who make hand painted yarns and sat down and read for two hours, taking notes on things such as simple knitting patterns I now want to knit.

On the way out I spotted a new book that keeps popping up on my Amazon suggestions list, and one on wild plant identification in Texas, so checked those out to take home to peruse.

I popped in to check on the kids, took some photos, and found they went over the allotted time and planned to keep going. So I headed to the car alone to read through those two books, until the kids were done.

Honestly with all the stress of the move it felt great to just have a few hours alone. I didn't feel the least bit guilty that I left my kids there alone, while some other Moms chose to watch every step their kids made.

I was reminded of the old advice to seek balance and to not burn yourself out lest you then have enough energy to give back to your kids. It is tired old advice that is hard to put into action in real life sometimes.

Although I was sitting in a strange Texas library that day I felt no different than when I've done the same thing at the familiar Westport library while my son was busy rowing at crew on the Saugatuck River. I'm in a new place but I'm still me and what I like to do when I can is scan the stacks at the library and find good things to read through. Some may think that doing that is really geeky or weird but frankly I don't give a darn. I started doing that when I was nine and I'm still doing it at forty-four. I'm still me, apparently, I haven't lost my identity yet, I just have a new address.


christinethecurious said...

Isn't that great to know?

My Boys' Teacher said...


I'm so glad you are adjusting! One thing you said peaked my curiosity though, why is it that you feel like the people were "looking at you" in the library? What kind of town is this?

ChristineMM said...

The staff were looking up to see who was walking in. They looked at everybody. Instead of asking for help I just strode in there like I knew what I was doing since I wasn't in the mood to ask for help, I just wanted to explore & go read. :)

My Boys' Teacher said...

Oh good! I thought you meant that they had a creepy "I don't know you" kind of thing going on.