My Son: To Complain or Not to Complain

The biofeedback - neurofeedback therapist working with my fourteen year old son said to me twice, that my son is so easy to work with. The second time he made it a point to say that his behavior with him was contrary to what I said his behavior was at home regarding his homeschool lessons. He said my son acting that way with him was the result of good parenting.

I tried to explain but I didn't get through to him. I said that he knows not to complain if he has no choice in the matter. This was met with a blank stare. I said that my son knows that not everything comes easy and that sometimes he has to work at it and complaining will do no good. The man looked confused.

I should have said also that kids always act better for other adults and they are more vocal and less polite with their own parents at home.

In the car I mentioned this to my son and he said, "I only complain when I think I can actually change the situation. I only complain when I really hate something and don't want to do it." Unstated but meant was: "I am doing neurofeedback for a reason and it is tiring and hard to do, but I am not complaining as I know it must be done to get the outcome I want to have."

My son really wants the result that this neurofeedback therapy promises to deliver. Thus he is willing to do the work.

As I explained to the therapist last week, we raised our kids to understand that it takes work to achieve a goal, and to not give up if they really want to reach the goal. Also, quitting is not an option in our family, we see things through to the end. This means, for example, you stick with the sport to the end of the session and if you don't want to continue that is fine, but you don't quit mid-season, if you think it's boring on the third practice or if you have had two or three or four run-in's with a bully; you stick with it, it may get better, and you also learn to deal with the negative situation in whatever way you are able. You don't run away from a problem, you try to figure out how to react or how to act and to try that the next time. You can't change other people or control everything in a situation but you can control how you react to the situation. Maybe through the strife you can actually learn something or learn coping skills or learn something about dealing with adversity in life, because adversity is a fact of life.