Having spent days and days decluttering to downsize our possessions in anticipation of a long distance move to a smaller home I have decided to at least partially blame this on my kids! Yes, I know, I have to take some of the responsibility for keeping what we have but the fact of the matter is that most of this stuff was for my kids or because of my kids. I also think that no other time in a person's life could be so stuff-buying or stuff-using intensive.
It starts with the baby equipment, now a fair amount of it is safety centered and some is mandated to use by law. We quickly are forced by the government to buy certain things that only are used a short period as they are tied to the weight and height of the baby. As the baby grows we are forced to abandon barely used stuff for the next size up. The baby clothing is also another example of something necessary that is too-quickly outgrown so we must buy, buy, buy to keep the baby clothed.
Next even in that first year, toy manufacturers pressure us to keep our baby entertained with special toys and some push educational toys. School bus themed items are available for newborns even. For babies, things declare they will help the baby learn to read (now) or will provide visual stimulation to do something good to the brain's development.
Choking is a major fear which again is driven into us by the government, so the toys are different even in the first few years of life. The developmental stages change so quickly that the toys used in the first two and three years are so different that we wind up buying a range of them.
We often save the baby and toddler stuff in case we have more kids so we all become packrats to a certain extent, with cribs and mobiles and onesies and baby shoes stuffed in our closets. We also save the expensive infant car seats and the high chair and portacrib and multiple strollers, since we paid so much for them we want to have them around if we ever need them again.
Some of us read aloud to our kids so the picture book buying began in that first baby year. As the child aged two or three years they developed interests so we bought books for those interests and read them over and over, as well as the multiple times reading the same fiction book. (Later it will be nearly impossible to let go of these books if you are any bit sentimental or are a book person.)
When the preschool years arrive there is the accummulation of more educational materials and also usually age-appropriate board games. As school starts there is more stuff and parents even report that in the Kindergarten school year (if school is used) the trends and fads begin. In my area even with boys, they are pressured to abandon wearing sneakers with certain cartoon characters on them and to start wearing a certain something else.
The technical gadgets arrive at various times depending on the parent's opinions of them. Some parents buy the child their first hand held video game at age two or three. In many families the kids own all possible options, two or three different hand held units and also one or two TV units and then multiple MP3 players and some even own portable DVD players or handheld devices that they can watch movies on. Little kids today often own their own portable internet using device before they are even old enough to have a talk abou the birds and the bees, but the crazy thing is they can view porn in private with those things. I'll stop there or else I'll digress. Sorry. For regular TV and movie viewing most families I know begin amassing a personal DVD library for the child too.
In the elementary years the toys and items change and so more and more is bought.
The various bikes that kids can ride are also grown out of quickly so the family begins a collection. The only thing that saved me from a collection was we'd purchased a seemingly not too expensive bike that has a trade-in policy where you trade in the old bike for the full retail you'd paid for the next one up. However this bit me on the butt when the new bike I traded in $300 credit for, for my 12 year old was $700. Ouch. If I knew I was getting into that when I got the first bike at age three I would not have done it.
If the child plays sports, even starting young at age four, the coach pressures the parents to practice at home. Thus the family winds up buying things like a soccer goal and a baseball pitchback. Other smaller equipment is sized for the kids so it is grown out of quickly, from baseball bats to baseball mitts to all the various safety equipment like shin guards and helmets. Our experience in lacrosse so far is that the league changes the length of the sticks every two years and due to the timing, that means that my son has had two different sticks in two years. Also, different positions have different sticks so we started with the more popular one but then had to buy a long stick for my son's defense position. Once you have invested in all this sports stuff it hangs around for other siblings to use. Since everyone is buying this stuff sometimes it can even be hard to give away the unwanted stuff for free!
The slowdown of the buying of material stuff for my kids began for my older son in the upper tween years when his playing with toys slowed down to things like water gun and Nerf gun wars and jags doing LEGOs.
At thirteen, he started using his saved money to buy music for his MP3 player and he broadened his musical horizons to start listening to what some friends were listening to. He also started spending more time on Facebook and doing things like live chatting with friends via FB. Most kids today do not speak on the land line telephone so even though my son wants to, he says he does not as "no one does that". If they own a mobile phone they don't call friends they text them with the devices. The only kids who will speak to my kids on the phone are homeschooled kids who do not own mobile phones. Once all these personal technical devices are owned, (at whatever age) the kids seem to get obsessed about them and they desire the next great one that is released and they think yesterday's top thing is junk.
Depending on the school or the homeschool family's educational philosophy, in grade six the academic load increases. Here in public school there is a giant shift from fifth grade in elementary school to sixth in middle school. Once in middle school the kids are so burdened with homework and true studying for the first time that they have little time for play. Their free time is booked with appointments for extra-curriculurs like drama, singing, music lessons, Scouts, sports, and church related youth group activities. Homeschoolers who remain relaxed with academics sometimes ramp it up in grade eight or some wait for the hammer to come down in grade nine, so I see those kids having a bit of a delayed childhood experience, playing with toys longer and having large stretches of free time to do what they want. If use of the Internet, Facebook, and mobile phones is prohibited or very limited that kid has more of a chance of what I'll call a prolonging of childhood, for lack of a better term.
In our family the clutter also involves homeschooling materials. As my real estate agent said, "You are not just moving a household you are moving a school. You have an entire school here." It is true because not only did I have a library over 8,000 books but I had art supplies and paper supplies and experiment kits and teacher reference materials.
Some of my own clutter is also related to kids. I have taken up drawing and some other art pursuits after doing homeschool art with my kids as their teacher. I have amassed many print photos after trying to document my kid's lives. (I never did get into scrapbooking thank goodness, or I'd be drowning in those supplies.) I am glad for digital photography as it has allowed me to take thousands of photos without taking up much physical space at all.
As I sit here in the early morning while my kids sleep, contemplating the decluttering that I'll be doing today for preparation for the move, I have decided that parenting kids in the early years in America is to blame for all this stuff.
Now that the kid's growth has slowed down I buy less clothes and shoes, and what they wear gets worn out so it's not suitable for hand-me-down's for my younger son either. In the middle school years my boys begain having more of a personal sense of style and as many other families report my two kids like different things or shall I say the younger one strives to be different from his other brother so the hand-me-down's are not always an option anyway.
Between knowing that we're done procreating and moving long distance I have forced myself to let go of a lot of stuff. When you are paying 61 cents a pound to move stuff and are moving into a place with less storage space and are paying over $130 a month for a 10x15 storage space you can't keep all the sentimental toys let alone a lot of the toys. It makes no sense to transport old clothes that may never be worn. Moving outgrown sports equipment is stupid. Keeping (heavy) books that will not be re-read or ones that we never had time or the desire to read is stupid. Keeping craft supplies that are no longer fun pursuits is nonsensical.
In thinking about all of this I have decided that when the youngest kid in the family is tween-aged and when the older(s) are teenaged, it is the time when the use of material possessions naturally reduces.
Looking back now it seems our lives were overrun by material possession stuff for our kid's use. We were literally tripping over their toys. By letting go of the unused and outgrown stuff what remains here are things used by all of us. Thus the shift is going from stuff with an individual child-focus to an all-family focus. Now that my time is no longer completely monopolized by supervising little kids who may choke or stray off into the Big Scary World beyond Our Four Walls, or who may hurt themselves if I'm not watching them like an eagle, I have more time for my personal pursuits and passions again. Thus I actually have time and energy to do things even like (gasp) ponder interior decorating of our house again. I am taking back possession of our house one step at a time (one way was when I turned the plaryroom into an art and craft studio for me).
This move is really helping me set limits and let go. It is forcing me to declare what my kids are done with, and what I am done with. I'm evaluating my home decor taste and looking at things with a practical eye. Gone is most of the formal silverplate because it requires toxic stuff and too much elbow grease to polish. I'll use the formal crystal and handblown glass items instead. Due to lack of space, even my husband is letting go of sentimental inherited items that we just do not use.
Although I have done a fair share of complaining in real life and on this blog about it, this decluttering process for the move prep is a very good thing. It's hard, and it's a pain in the butt, and tiring, and it is anything but fun, but it is fantastic.
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