Not So Sad About Leaving

A friend asked how I was doing emotionally about leaving, was I sad?

The answer is, since I visited Houston in mid-June and since deciding to rent there while the Connecticut home we own is on the real estate market I have not felt sad about leaving. The only time a glimmer comes through is when I'm gardening, to weed and tend it so it looks not like a jungle for when it's put onto the market. When I'm alone outside in the quiet and listening to the chirping birds and seeing how my plants are growing, and looking at the trees and wild plants around my property, I feel sad. But that is short lived, as I have little time for strolling through the yard and in my woods or for weeding. I'm too busy trapped indoors decluttering and packing. When I'm busy sorting through material possessions I feel annoyed, and it's tiring work, so sadness is not on my mind.

Now that I have a sense for what I'm moving to, I am looking forward to that and my job in Connecticut is to do work for the process of getting out. I am just so busy working at leaving that I'm not feeling bad about leaving. All I feel is hopeful for the future and that future is in Texas. My attitude is, "Let me out of here so I can get on with my new life in Texas!" I want to go back to living regular ordinary days. I don't want to deal with projects and home renovations and dealing with roofers, so forth and so on.

The harder part was before I went to Texas when it seemed unreal to me. Even worse was the period when my husband was out of work and I felt terrible about our finances and worried we may have to leave here just due to financial necessity. That feeling of being unworthy to be here or feeling worried about the sad state of the economy in the state of Connecticut was an oppressive feeling to live with.

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The other night my older son was upset about the move. In my opinion he is over-focusing on what he is leaving behind rather than feeling anything hopeful about where we are going to be (let alone the fact that we will be reuniting as a family of four when we arrive in Texas). He said that it was hard to feel hopeful when Texas to him is a great unknown. He's a very visual kid and he said to me that he can't picture Texas, he can't imagine it, and in order to feel happy about going he needs to be able to visualize it in his mind. He said he is having trouble taking ideas or things we say that he has never experienced and imagining them as real, so he's not excited about anything good that may happen down in Texas after we move. He paints a dismal picture of what his life will be like there, including his desire to not meet new people, to sit at home all alone for homeschool lessons and to only communicate with his old friends via Skype or Facebook.

I was frustrated with my son for feeling that way about not being able to imagine what Texas was like. I've shown him my photos, I've given him long verbal explanations. I have shown him websites and photos on the Internet. None of that seems to be good enough for him.

Then I realized that I was feeling the same as him, before I went down to scope the place out. Once I realized that he and I were feeling the same way I let go of my resentment with his stubborn behavior about this.

We'll just have to get there and then we can start discovering everything as a family.

We won't have much time there to unpack before the Texas school year begins. A friend's child starts on August 17. That's about two and a half weeks before school beings in Connecticut. I'm now even happier that we chose to move now rather than waiting until after Labor Day! I guess our summer has been short changed this year if I'm going to shift gears to match the Texas school year calendar.

I am starting to make some inroads with the homeschool community in my area of Texas. I've found some outside classes that my older son can take if he and I think they are a good idea. I am close to signing him up for an online math class. I can't wait to do more planning for homeschooling which really can only start once we are down there and have started unpacking.

The move date is fast approaching, I can't believe it.

(And I can't believe that I'm now a homeschool mom to a homeschool high school student!)