Today I present one example of how public schools take restriction of freedom to a higher degree then when I was in school 25 years ago.
Some of these restrictions have no purpose that I can identify. Others have one possible reason that is ridiculous or uncommon, and the rule has too many cons to justify its pro, and therefore should not be enacted.
My friend told me this story about her son who was attending the middle school that both she and I attended in our hometown, a shoreline Connecticut town.
They have assigned seats at lunch. Yes that's the rule. The one and only time the kids have freedom in their school day is now restricted with assigned seats. In that school in the first two days of middle school, in which multiple elementary schools converge for the first time and they are combined into classes, the kids can pick a table to sit at. On day three (before real friendships are made) the seat is assigned and the child cannot change tables for the rest of the SCHOOL YEAR unless permission is granted from the guidance counselor, school psychologist and the principal, only after the parent requests it and multiple meetings are held. (You want to know how school administrators are spending their time? They are doing crap like that. Can you believe they are wasting their time and our taxpayer money on their salaries for that nonsense?)
My friend's son had come home from his first days of middle school reporting that his former best friends, kids he was friends with at school all through the elementary grades, but whom he never saw outside of school including the summer, had shunned him. He was perplexed about why but he moved on. An empty seat was available with new kids he'd met in his class and he sat with them. They were friendly to him and so it was that he was assigned to that table on day three. He came home telling his parents about the shunning and his confusion and hurt feelings about that, but also how he had new friends who were nice to him. The boy is on the quiet side so he would sit and eat and listen while the boys chattered away with each other. There was no strife.
I see no reason for school rules about who sits where at lunch. I see this as a way to control the kids for no sound reason.
The issue is that as the school year went on beyond day two and three the kids, as they got to know each other, had no ability to choose to sit with their new friends that they clicked with.
There is more to the story which I can't share as my friend would be upset with me for telling personal details. There was no interpersonal conflict with the kids at that table but the fact that the kids were prevented from sitting with new friends or having freedom to choose bothers me. Since teachers so often cite socialization as a major reason for school attendance should they not give the students some freedom to talk to who they want and to sit with who they want or to be able to avoid sitting with those they'd rather not sit with during what is supposed to be relaxation and free time in their otherwise very-controlled day?
Kids appreciate any amount of freedom to choose what they do, especially in the middle school years and continuing into the high school years (compared to the elementary grades). Why can't my former school understand that? Can't they see the over-controlling of kids drives some crazy, makes some angry and resentful, and turns them off to school and learning? Don't they know kids are smart and when they are subjected to following really stupid and nonsensical rules it is crazy-making and anger-inciting?
Shouldn't schools do all they can to seek cooperation from their students? Shouldn't the authority figures do things to show respect to their students in order to have them in a cooperative, open, ready and willing state of mind? Why don't school administrators and teachers realize that the way they treat the students affects the student's opinions of them -- they lose respect toward the people who are supposed to be authority figures and then some are bold enough to openly rebel against them? Others who don't act out or speak out internalize their anger, they learn to hate school and learning and may do things that close down learning and appear as being an "unmotivated student" or an "underachiever". Smart kids may be thought to be stupid or unteachable.
Avoidance of such nonsense as micro-managing how middle schoolers spend their lunch time is just one of the reasons I wanted to homeschool my kids. Actually I wanted to avoid the nonsense that happened when I was in school, I had no idea of the higher level of nuttiness that today's schools do at the time we decided to homeschool. I hear these stories from my friends which underscores for me why we continue to homeschool.
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Why Don't Students Like School Well Duhhhh...
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6 comments:
My $0.02, as a former teacher who never quite fit in teaching K-12: there is a reason for such a rule. It is to get kids used to thinking: "Mine is not to reason why, mine is but to do or die . . ."
And I am perfectly serious about this. That is why I took my son out of school . . .
About assigned seats at school. I'm a psych and bio major and want to become a mother myself soon :) . I have a cumulative 4.0 GPA and want to go to Pharmacy school. Forgive me if my grammar is not stellar. English is not my first language. I am half European and half Asian, and currently embracing the American culture. Why did I come here? Because America has the best college education system :). Sorry if this is too much info I'm just trying to set up a snippet of credentials so you understand that I'm not just babbling but basing my reply on knowledge I've accumulated through my education.
Honestly I think it helps with encouraging children to socialize outside their normal friends' circle. Meaning that eventually by virtue of proximity and frequency (something happening very often) those kids will develop new friendships by hopefully engaging in conversations during lunch. Don't forget about "clicks". Kids love to form little "clicks" and exclude children that are different form their small but well organized groups. Diminishing the occurrence of such exclusions can help some children that are shy, or otherwise do not fit whatever is trendy nowadays in school. This is one of the reasons why in Europe and Asia school children are required to wear school uniforms. This way children cannot be socially excluded due to socio-economic status (e.g. trendy clothes, gadgets, etc.).
:) What do you think? Oh I also want to make it clear that I am a citizen and a taxpayer.
Hugs ^_^
J M, You are out of touch with reality of life in America as a child. I am sorry but that's a fact.
This is not unlike pyschologists who dole out anti-bullying advice that never works in real life. What we need is people who can put things into action that actually works not more people full of theory that is not effective in the real world.
First of all the kids have assigned seats in their classes which are the other 6 hours a day they are together. They should have one period (not even one hour long) that they have freedom to sit with who they want to.
Also, the middle school years are a social nightmare. Stuff happens and kids can change who they are friends with. They may be upset with a friend one day and happy the next. They may see their friend changing and seek to make new friends instead. There should be freedom to be next to who they want and to avoid who they want. Give the kids some breathing room.
Another flaw in your case for assigned seats at lunch is if real friends were made from assigned seats in class then there would be no student who had no friends. Forcing kids to be next to each other does not make friendships most of the time. In fact being forced to be with kids who grate on your nerves or are rude or are troublemakers is anger-inducing and crazy-making.
Kids should be able to relax during their break time, it should not be a time of more pressure.
Forcing a middle schooler who should be facing having more independence to speak to their parents to ask for a seat change at lunch then to initiate multiple meetings with higher level school administrators is ridiculous. If nothing else it inspires helicopter parenting and over-involvement of the parent in the child's social life.
Most kids who have an issue even at lunch would probably withdraw inside themselves and learn to shut up and to give up. How sad is that?
Let's give the kids some freedom and let them pick a new seat every day if they so desire.
(I recall in high school I would shift lunch tables depending on who I felt like hanging out with that day. I also was allowed to go sit in the library for quiet study and reading time if I so desired. A little freedom goes a long way.)
You are right then. I know nothing of pre-college education here... From what you are describing middle school sounds like a nightmare :O .
I guess I'm lucky to have had a good time in kindergarten, middle school and high school back home. Could it be because of the different types of cultures? Collectivistic versus individualistic (I'm not talking about socialism or anything like that, just the way people interact, more community oriented rather than individual success). I think that's what it is :) . Which is probably one of the reasons why I cannot relate to the scenario you describe.
Nonetheless, you are right I am sure. I don't know much about the educational system here but I guess soon enough I will have to learn more about it since my children will most likely attend an American school. Unless we move to Germany (military).
That was an insightful reply btw, made me think :D thinking mother.
Hugs
I hear of these stories far too often but I have not heard of this, so I will repost. I am left wondering, where are the good stories!!?? I think at this point if I hear one I will think that the child is overcoming and doing well in spite of the institutional education. *sigh* I have friends who swear they love their schools. Some of it sounds pretty good and then I remember all the crazy rules (which I hated in school too but you are right it IS worse now), boring textbooks, busy work and... well, you know.
I am with you, I have never heard of such a thing as assigning seats at lunch time in middle school. My concern with this is with as much bullying that can go on in schools as is...wouldn't this fuel the fire, if a child was assigned a seat next to bullies? I do not see any type of expanding on a child's social skills even remotely being addressed by doing this. It seems more to me like a control issue from our education system.
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