The emotional upset of my husband's job loss has resulted in a number of raw and too personal blog drafts being written. They remain drafts as I have chosen not to publish them.
If I skip a day of posting, or if my posts are too general or impersonal please forgive me. If the content is a bit different than my usual and you don't like it, I'm sorry.
I'm having streaks of pouring my heart out in words then deciding it's just too personal to publish. Then I am torn about what to publish that day and sometimes wind up publishing nothing.
All I want is an ordinary life. I want to know what our family is doing and to be busy living that life. I wish I could know if we were moving or not moving or if this unemployment is very short term or if it will be six months long or a year or long term? I can't predict the future.
I feel powerless to do anything that can help our family financially. All I feel I can do is be a good emotional supporter of my husband through his job search and be a stable force for my children who are fearful and worried. Yet sometimes this doesn't leave me feeling that I'm doing enough.
Since we're still homeschooling I have a "job" to do to educate my kids. I am busy doing that, especially as we shift from the different type of homeschooling this last fall to change to new and different plans for the rest of this academic year. The new plans involve more direct teaching by me and use of new materials, new curriculums and some new learning methodologies. Yet it is hard to make new routines and make big changes in the midst of emotional upheaval and living in a state of uncertainty.
Please keep our family in your thoughts and prayers.
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5 comments:
Coming from a space of having my husband unexpectedly lose his job 3 years ago and feeling exactly the same feelings as you I can say that the journey is hard. I know that might not be really comforting. I can also say that learning to do things with even less money has been a bigger blessing. Learning what we could do without and what we couldnt was a great lesson. over the past 3 years we have learned how to homeschool for free. We use all the free resources out there and we have learned how to get creative with our learning.
I can also say that sometimes the not knowing what was going to happen ate away at our marriage, and our family. It hurt my husbands ego to not find a job and provide. In the end we are stronger, both as a couple and a family.
Have faith, stay strong and love one another through the changes and better things will come to you.
I admire your courage. Sometimes the most courageous thing we can do each day is "show up!" I hold you and your family in my thoughts. A friend told me once that when you are in a tunnel, if you just keep putting one foot in front of the other, you will reach the light. Hoping that 2011 holds many good things for you.
Don't worry about it. In this economy, many of your readers have BTDT. Let's all pray that 2011 is better for everyone who has suffered in the Great Recession :-)
Going through job issues one time was a journey that we already took. Having to deal with it again before having rebuilt back up to where we were that first time is harder. Knowing how bad things were before going into it this time makes me worry, "Can I handle this again so soon?". I also ask, "What should *I* do differently this time to try to help our family?"
Christine,
I've always admired you as a homeschooling mom. I just wanted to let you know your family is in my thoughts and prayers!
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