Monday, January 31, 2011

Blunt (and Hilarious) Statement From My Husband

While at that emotional time of the month I had a heart to heart talk with my husband.

One thing I shared was that I felt little validation for what I'm doing: homeschooling and mothering I feel our alternative homeschooling lifestyle and my choice to leave my career to be home to raise my kids is not valued by society. I said if I were to go look for a job now it is likely that I'd not be of interest due to the gap in my employment, despite holding numerous volunteer positions including some that required more project management and people management skills than my former career did. I said I had many worthwhile skills that employers would want but they'd probably judge me negatively just because I've been at home in these years. And probably some people would call me a loser for doing what I do.

I also said that I'm sick of feeling judged by our society as doing something weird, homeschooling, plus even being a mother at home is now considered strange or seen as negative or not worthy of admiration.

My husband came out with this reply, "You are making a mistake looking for people in America, in this culture, to compliment you on what you are doing. You are doing something noble and worthy, raising two kids who are turning out to be nice good people who can actually think. The way (our ten year old) son was doing (skip) counting math using all different numbers last night while we played (the board game) Risk was amazing. I've never seen a kid add up all different numbers like that so fast and accurately. And look at what people in our society think about and talk about: they actually spend time talking about Jennifer Lopez's ass! That's what they care about: what her ass looks like! So if you are looking for THOSE people to pat you on the back and say you are doing a great job you are looking in the wrong place. You'll never get that from them. All that matters is what I think and what you think. What we think about our own kids is all that matters. That had better be good enough for you because that's all you are probably ever going to get. Stop looking for validation from strangers and even relatives, our neighbors and even your friends. I know what you are doing is right and best and that's all that should matter."

He's right, you know.

But still I feel better knowing some of you out there would validate what I'm doing it as you are also homeschooling and you know it's a worthy thing to do.

P.S. If you don't believe my husband that's what some people talk about and care about just do a YouTube search on those keywords and you can view many user created compilations of that specific topic.


Joyful Learner said...

You have a wise husband. Enough said.

Jenn Casey said...

Yes, he is right! Keep up the good work. :o)

C T said...

I validate what you're doing! Of course, I'm doing the same thing....Seriously, I gave up a career as a Foreign Service Officer to do this teach-my-own-children gig. Frankly, it would be impossible for me to earn enough money to pay someone else to do what I do for my children during the day. While not all potential employers would value the experience I'm gaining now, it only takes one discerning employer to get a job, and that's the kind of employer I'd prefer to work with anyway.

JC said...

I may not have been reading your blog for long but I would proud to say that I stand up and support what you are doing.

I have been homeschooling now for 12 years and still believe that it is without a doubt the best thing we can do for our sons.

I enjoy the chance to learn from your posts which often reflect some of our struggles.

Stay At Home Mom at Work said...

Love this post. Though I am not a homeschooler, I am a stay at home mom, and your husband is a wise man. The world will not validate us, and thankfully I stopped looking for that approval. I know in my own heart, what is best for my children, and that's all I need, that, and the love and support of my husband. Sounds like you've got a great one! Congrats!

Kristin said...

I think you are awesome! You are awesome and what you do is not easy! Keep it up!

KC said...

I struggle with this as well. I love validation! It's a horrible thing to love. I have a mantra I sometimes repeat when it gets to me: "You're doing what you know is right for your family, you're doing what you know is right for your family." Which is entirely true, but it is hard when you see all your friends (I'm resisting putting friends in quotes) working out, organizing their homes, working outside the home, going on nice vacations and buying nice clothes. Then I have to not listen to the little voice inside my head that says "you could be doing that too if you're kids were out of the house for 6 hours a day." So, yes, it's hard, but I really feel like what I'm trying to do is right for us, at least at this time in our lives. My husband is great at validating our life as well, and I'm grateful for it. Thanks for your post, I feel less alone, hope you do too! :)

Love 2B Homeschoolers said...

Your husband is brilliant.

ChristineMM said...

Hmm. Somone just told me about this.

President Obama invites Jennifer Lopez to White House to watch the Superbowl with him.

(and Marc Anthony)

(see me doing the "woo woo" swirling my finger in the air)

toethumbs said...

I'm thinking about homeschooling my kids when I have them. I hope that the friends who know me will know that I'd do it because I'm an intelligent person and think I could do better than teachers at teaching (which, frankly, isn't saying much). It should be admired—I mean, no one homeschools because they're lazy!

mommieakin said...

I stumbled upon your blog while searching for some validation for myself. Seriously, I was having an internal conversation (with myself) today about how no one values the work I am doing. WOW, your husband is precisely right. And so are you, we all need to know what we do matters. Especially when it can sometimes be a difficult and lonely job. I think, as homeschool Moms, in our heart of hearts we know our job is THE most important job we could ever have. Keep up the good work.