The Majority is Gray Area

Alternate Title: Gray is Good



Step into my shoes for a moment. I've been living an alternative lifestyle since I became a mother. First, attachment parenting then extended breastfeeding, and then homeschooling.



In order to do what I feel in my heart is best I have stepped onto another path. I've had to teach myself facts and hear ideas and get inspiration and encouragement from people, strangers that are not within my immediate circle. I've had to look outward and stretch to find resources from places such as books, most not easy to find, not available at my public library or independent book store, or even the big chain bookstore, I've had to order online and buy the book to get the information. Niche magazines available by subscription only had to be purchased for more information.



As the Internet grew, I had access to many more people living on the fringe giving free information, but that's not always easy either, as the great ideas are mixed with garbage, and helpful people's writings are mixed with drivel. It takes more time and energy, when surfing the net to separate the wheat from the chaff.



A downside to seeking information from the fringe is the radical nature of some of the ideas. Those who can be most inspirational, those who we can take away something we can use are often are living a more extreme life than we desire. Tips I learned about home organic gardening were learned from a commercial organic farmer whose passion has turned into his career. I don't want to be a commercial farmer. I just want to grow a small number of edible plants using organic methods. However the farmer's years of experience have taught him things that I can benefit from. In the pre-Internet era, my local home and garden shops whose profits were made largely from selling chemicals for the garden were not supplying this information to me, so I had to buy this farmer’s book to access the information and his wisdom.



The organic gardening example is not as controversial as something like me being inspired to do more interest-led learning from a radical unschooler when we do not want to duplicate everything their family does in our own home. To me, they are radical. I guess this has to do with degrees. I don't think I'm radical but I bet some people think I am. I also know I’ve helped and influenced parents of schooled children by sharing my thoughts or experiences here on my blog, because they have told me so. So if those who think I'm radical can learn something of use in their less-radical lives from me, I'm glad. I don't really care who thinks I'm radical. I'm doing what I think is right and best for us at this time. I answer to God and my husband and my children before I answer or seek approval from those in my community or strangers.



To get good inspiration, we sometimes have to deal with the radical-ness of others. To quote the often-used phrase I and other La Leche League Leaders sometimes chose to use at our meetings "you will hear a lot of ideas and opinions today, take what works and leave the rest behind, just as you do when shopping in a grocery store". We don't agree with everything a person believes or says nor should we. If we did we'd all be carbon copies of each other and that would make for a pathetic world. We need diversity in our world. We can connect on some things that we’re of like mind about and we can stick to our other beliefs in other areas.



I sometimes am offended when I hear certain views expressed. Those that bother me the most are ones that criticize me and my family for the choices we've made when so much thought has been put into making them and when I feel that decision is a good one.



I have learned to be careful about who I complain to or who I ask questions of as I must consider the source. One of the issues with surrounding myself with unique people who are boldly living an alternative lifestyle is that I have to contend with their radical views (on a large variety of topics) and/or I have to deal with their quirks or challenges.



The man who I admire for his fierce loyalty and living so close to his principals and religious beliefs may chastise me for letting my kids watch that certain TV show or playing that xBox360 video game. The homeschool mom friend of mine once stressed out over what to order at the restaurant. We've traveled out of state for a homeschool conference, I've been starving all day, and we're living in a hotel. She frowns when I say I'm craving a hamburger because she says she fears what Oprah did (that issue that landed Oprah in a Texas court). She went on to list every different thing that could be wrong health-wise, with every item being offered on the menu and seriously considered eating yet another organic protein bar which she had in her pocketbook instead of eating there.



I try to be non-judgmental and tell myself to not reject these radicals as friends and acquaintances just because I don't agree with every single thing they think or do. If I rejected people for that reason, that I'd be all alone, because even my husband and children are not always in agreement with me or my ideas.



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I was disappointed in something my twelve year old son did one day, something about a Boy Scout merit badge, and I complained to two mothers about it. This was not a big issue it just happened that I saw these moms at this time when the thing was fresh on my mind and I casually mentioned it. If I'd not seen them I'd never have mentioned this to anyone. What one of the mothers said brushed me the wrong way. She said she rejected the idea of merit badges as she looks down on assignments like that, and she rejects the entire organization of the Boy Scouts of America too. In the long run that one little thing that I mentioned to them was such a small part of a larger project (the merit badge) that wound up being worthwhile overall and this is in addition to the lot of great things that my son has learned by being involved with BSA's programs for the last seven years.



I think the majority of everything in life is a gray area. Always painting things as black or white is wrong. Taking the small negative event and then painting the bigger total experience as all negative is wrong. It’s a misrepresentation, it’s almost a lie. Very few things are black or white. Almost everything is gray. This concerns perspective. The same circumstance and facts can be viewed by different people with different perspectives in different lights.



Additionally something that is negative, or a challenge, problem or issue can be part of a larger experience which is overall positive. So the very little bit of negativity can be overshadowed by all the good of the rest of it. If I'd been radical with my views and decided to not do it due to one element maybe turning out bad then we'd have missed out in the long run.



If I reject all institutions and organizations and standards and societal norms as part of our homeschool lifestyle then my children and our entire family would miss out on a lot of good. I choose to educate my children at home (alternative education) but they are in Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts (mainstream) and one is on a competitive private league sport team (mainstream) and my kids compete in national academic competitions (elitist, perhaps -- yet available to some public schooled kids if the schools would only choose to partake in those events).



I’m not in the club of homeschooling families who reject every single mainstream thing; we don’t take every possible road less traveled. It seems to me that application of the most radical beliefs to every aspect of one's life, 24/7 is not a good idea.



Maybe another reminder in this story is that moderation and variety is good.