Thoughts On Only Discussing the Positive's of Homeschooling

Numerous people say they only talk about the positive things about homeschooling. Different people have different reasons. Some Christians I know say they only talk positive as that glorifies God and that talking about anything negative is something to avoid.

The other day I had time on my hands and was reading some homeschooling blogs. I did the click through to link, click through to link, over and over and wound up reading blogs I'd never visited before.

I read on one blog that the homeschool mother/blogger announced that one of her children would start public school in the fall; another would start a specialty charter school in the fall that was a perfect fit for the child and the other would remain homeschooling. When I read this I was not judging her. What made my gut lurch was when I read that she had paused her blogging (for nine months) because she was in a bad state of mind and feeling torn as her own experiences with less than perfect homeschooling and parenting issues seemed horrible in comparison to all the blog posts she read that stated how great and wonderful the other family's experiences were. She felt inferior and that her family must be failing due to reading all the great stuff that homeschool moms blogged about.

It hurt me to read that because it is true that by talking of only the best and brightest moments in our homeschooling experiences, or in our parents experiences in general, we bloggers risk giving off a wrong impression of perfection.

My friends who also read my blog know that what I share on my blog is a tiny slice of my life. There just is not enough time to document everything and publish it. No one would want to read that level of minutiae about my life. Other things I cannot share due to confidentiality issues, it wouldn't be fair to my kids to share it all. Some of our struggles and some of my deepest concerns are not shared. Another reason I don't share everything is because it is not always appropriate to air the dirty laundry. For example I could tell some good stories that would make interesting reading about my nieces and nephews who attend public school, or things my relatives and friends who are public school teachers tell me, or about something that happened between my homeschool mom and me, but then I risk losing that friendship or making trouble in the family (if the person ever finds out about it).

It is a balancing act to be honest about one's homeschool experience on a blog and to not give a false impression of a perfect life. I try to share some challenges in order to help others learn something from what I went through. If a resource I can share helps another get to the same solution faster than I did, then that is a good thing.

Sometimes I write a draft blog post and am really ranting and raving. I need to write it to get it out of my system. But the next day when I'm feeling over it and happy again, I don't even want to revisit the draft to edit it and publish it. I just want those emotions done and gone. I also question the purpose of sharing such a thing and sometimes realize it would do no good to publish it on the Internet. So many times, I don't share some of my most negative experiences, emotions or stories.

I feel that every family could homeschool if they want to and if they are willing to do the work it takes. I understand not everyone wants to do that kind of work so they choose other educational options. I understand that a marriage comes before a homeschool so sometimes a mother must give in and stop homeschooling to heed to her husband's wishes. I understand that some families must stop homeschooling so the mother can go back to work and make money for the family.

But there are some people who say they really, really want to homeschool but they feel too imperfect to do it. Those people have put homeschooling mothers or fathers or entire families on a pedestal and think we who are homeschooling are better at this or that and think that they could never be good enough to homeschool successfully.

Sometimes those parents say that they'd love to homeschool except it would never work with "that child" of theirs due to reasons X, Y, and Z. I want them to know that happy and successful homeschooled kids come in all stripes. Some kids are challenging in some ways and easy to deal with in others. Homeschooled kids are not all easy to deal with nor are they "ideal students" all the time. Sometimes a parent says their child is a square peg struggling to fit into a round hole at school and uses that as the reason why homeschooling would not work--when in reality some of those children would benefit and thrive more at home with a customized home education than with continuing in a school system that is so poorly fitted to their talents and abilities. Perhaps those parents are stuck in the mindset that a home school must be just like public school (it does not have to!).

And yes, it is hard to be around our kids all the time but I feel that is what made me work harder at parenting them well! It takes work to parent kids actively versus being a lazy parent, it is true. The reward of active parenting though is that the negative things get fixed and then the parents like their kids more, and everyone else around them likes them better too. It is true that it can be hard to homeschool children with certain personality traits but it benefits the child to work on those issues and to learn from them, such as the perfectionist child, the sore loser, the backtalker, and the defiant to authority figures child. If the parent cannot help the schooled child with those issues in the time the parent has with them, then perhaps homeschooling with its increased togetherness would allow the parent more opportunities to address those issues, decreasing the severity if not eliminating them altogether.

I want those mothers to know that none of us is perfect. We try our hardest. We make mistakes. We have to make adaptations along the way. We may fail at something and then try to find a way to fix it. So one reason why I share some of what I share is to show that my family is imperfect and that we are still very happy to be homeschooling.

The longer I homeschool, the more my kids change as they grow up and develop, the less I feel that I know what I'm doing and the more I feel like I'm winging it. I used to feel more secure and more in control of our homeschooling. The more independent my kids get and the more I am around other people's kids the more I realize that kids are unique and that truly every family must find their own way with homeschooling, and within a family, every child deserves to be treated as an individual.

I used to think I was doing a great job but the more I learn and do the more I start to question myself. I see homeschooling as more complex now than I used to. What I was sure about years ago, I am less sure of today. I'm trying to be honest about what we're getting right, what my kids are excelling at as well as where their deficiencies lie. I'm trying to create an ideal homeschooling experience that highlights my kids strengths, addresses the weaknesses, and tries to just keep up with all the rest of the academic subjects that our government or colleges think should be covered. In my times of doubt I usually phone a homeschool mom friend and vent. That is when they share similar stories. So you can see that talking of the negative's of homeschooling can be beneficial and therapeutic, when done in person, on the phone, or in a blog post.

I'm trying to give my kids good experiences while at the same time trying to have a relaxed and harmonious home environment. It is a constant balancing act that never seems to be just right, it is either tilted too much in one direction or the other, or is "almost there" and we're coasting along with smooth sailing. That is usually when something happens like a health issue, or someone dies, or some other crisis erupts and the priorities shift from doing things that are ideal and best to more of living in a survival mode.

I used to think we'd homeschool through college admission but now I am taking it only year by year. I'm trying my best.

If you are considering homeschooling and worry that you are not perfect enough just know that no homeschooling parent or child is perfect! Reading good homeschooling things on homeschool blogs can be inspirational but don't be fooled into thinking that represents the family's life 24/7 as it just is not true!

Life is a roller coaster and we're not in control of the ride...that is true for all families and it is true for homeschooling families as well.