The Best Kind of Homeschool Support

Last week my family spent an evening with another homeschool family.

The first thing we did was the mom and I talked shop over a glass of wine. She has her plans for the 2009-2010 homeschool year ready. Well, she has the general plan and is working on making detailed plans. Some of the things her children will do are new to their family.

We are of like minds because we both believe that whenever possible, a homeschool should be unique to each child. We both want effective learning in the least amount of work time possible (we don't like our kids to waste their time). We both are open to using different products from different companies (secular and religious). We both tailor the use of said curriculum to meet our children's needs or to more closely match our preferences, meaning, we skip over some, censor out other stuff, or do more or less than they tell us to do. Neither of us likes to be dictated to by a company or by other homeschoolers. We both have our eyes open to various possibilities and custom make a plan for each of our kids each year. Of special note, we both recognize that our favorite and preferred homeschool method or learning style or modality may not be what works best for the child. We have both let go of our ideals in an attempt to compromise so that our children can learn. Lastly we are open to adapting plans each year and even making changes mid-year when necessary.

I loved hearing about the products and books this mother selected to use with her children and why she selected them. Some things they will do, my children also have been doing and will continue to use. I also learned of a product I now want to use with both of my sons and am considering again using something I once bought but never did use.

Also I should underscore that the best thing about that talk was just the comraderie. It is so relaxing to spend time with another homeschooling parent when we know that our lifestyle choice is accepted by them. It is hard sometimes with other friends to maintain even the slightest bit of a guard. It is unpleasant when things slip out of their mouths that lead me to believe that our family is being judged by them as well as society.

The most fun of the night was friendship without any negativity and secondary was the homeschooling ideas and enthuasism and idea and information sharing. That kind of fellowship and sharing is what an ideal homeschool support group would provide to all meeting attendees. However, sometimes the group meeting is not always so positive, due to a bad apple or a poor attitude of one or more people(overly competitive, judgmental, the dictator, or the know-it-all or any number of other things). If two or more in the group are negative in some way and/or if the meeting's leader lacks the necessary leadership skills, the meeting can winds up being a real train wreck. In the worst situations, people may wind up with hurt feelings or leave a meeting feeling judged about their family's decisions.

Rather than always hoping or seeking an ideal support group, if we can find one, two or three good souls to become close friends with (somehow, someway) our lives would be more fulfilled than what attending any support group meeting could provide (unless the feel of the meeting is a small group of cohesive people who wind up feeling like true friends).

But sometimes you can't get one without dealing with the other. You may need to join a support grup in order to connect with others. Although 100% of a meeting may not be what you'd hoped, if you have the goal to make some new connections, perhaps one or a few of whom may wind up becoming close friends in the future.

While for years I really enjoyed attending local homeschool support group meetings, over time some things happened such as a group dissolved due to leader burn-out or low attendance caused the other group to stop having meetings. The adult support group meetings used to be a convenient place to see people I liked. In their place I had to fill the gap by taking some of my acquaintences to the next level of friendship. It takes work. I have found a circle of friends, even though some are very busy and it seems hard to get to see them face to face. I've found that I've been the most fulfilled by cultivating a few close homeschool mom friends that I met at support group meetings but spent time by email, phone and in person cultivating a deeper friendship. I still have the Internet, the advice and information provided by strangers, but that is a different sort of thing altogether and for me is not the same at all as a friendship.