Sunday, May 27, 2007

Thoughts On Wallowing

A reader of Mental Multivitamin named J.B. wrote an excellent email to MMV which she published on her blog, the subject is wallowing and how negative it is.

I agree wholeheartedly and have seen this in action. Reagarding various negative things that I am living through I also have been brought down by other people's probing and emoting. There is a big difference between sincere discussion and asking how I'm doing versus probing and emoting. I agree with J.B. that wallowing can bring a person down. If a person is living through some problem, trying to cope or get better or to resolve the situation, the last thing they need is more negativity layered onto them by the probers and emoters.

I have also witnessed this over and over again with other people probing and emoting and bringing down other people. I try to steer as far away from those probers and emoters as possible. I don't want to be within earshot of this probing and emoting.

Also sometimes those people cross into the gossiper label as well, first probing and emoting then turning around and gossiping by spreading whatever they dug up all over the place, in a way that is not helping the situation. I have watched one person do the probing and emoting then, at the same event/party/gathering, turn around behind the other one's back and reveal all the information in a gossip-y way.

My heart goes out to J.B. (who I don't even know) for dealing with his Cancer and trying to not let the probers and emoters bring him down. I know exactly what J.B. is talking about and dealing with it sucks, to put it bluntly.

Most days I try to not use my blog for complaining and whining. Some days I write that stuff as it is on my heart or in my head and choose to never publish it. But if you find something on my blog too wallow-y please feel free to just skip the whole thing as the last thing I hope to do by publishing it is to bring YOU down.


Elisheva Hannah Levin said...

Great post!

I am a cancer survivor and I can really relate to J.B. as well and the M-mv crew.

Once, toward the end of some treatment, I was sitting outside our synagogue in the sun looking up at the trees and enjoying the fact that I was alive on a beautiful spring day.

A woman from the meditation group came up to me and asked how I was doing. I said: Marvelously! And stretched and purred in the sunshine.

She started the probing and emoting. I cut her off and said, "You know, I really don't want to even think about it at the moment. I want to enjoy this time."
I had to repeat my desire not to discuss it several times. She got angry with me. A few days later I received a letter from her remonstrating me for refusing to talk about since my name was on the healing list!
Evidently, there are some people who think that being on the healing prayer list is equal to making every aspect of the illness public property!

Now it is seven years later, and I don't think about it all that much, other than when filling out a medical history form or making sure I get the checks I need. Like everyone else in the entire world, I live with risk. But I live!

By the way, I enjoy your blog and the positive nature of much of your writing. I do not see any wallowing!

christinemm said...

Elisheva thanks for telling me I have not wallowed on my blog.

I do wallow in real life sometimes although I try not to. I also write wallowing stuff but I guess I've been good about not publishing it.

I am happy that you have survived Cancer! That is great. I loved reading of your attitude.

And by the way I thought healing lists and prayer requests were so prayers could be said and good thoughts could be sent your way, not being a request for pity and negative talk.